My Turn

reviewing a reviewer

Markand Thakar

Civilians generally assume reviews to be informative and trustworthy, especially when the reviewer is clearly possessed of a large vocabulary and an impressive CD collection. Actual judgment, however, does not seem to be a job requirement. Of course there are good critics, too, and many have praised Duluth’s own Sam Black. And to be fair, my discipline admits its fair share of charlatans and snake-oil salesmen (seen The Music Man lately?). But with a column of my own here I thought I'd take a rare opportunity to review a reviewer. I recently came across a review of a concert I'd attended. Below is that actual review (except for the names), annotated.

Gnerpshnorts Symphony gives rich performance despite some uneven moments

The theme for Friday night’s concert by the Gnerpshnorts Symphony might have been “less is better.”

“Less is better”? Less what? OK, we'll see where this is going.

For the Violin Concerto No. 5 in A, Wolfgang Mozart only asks for two French horns, two oboes and a collection of string players. But with the addition of guest violinist Harry Chinrest, this delicate work created a glow that dominated the evening.

It sure did dominate. That was the single worst performance I've heard from a soloist at a professional orchestra concert. The man had no sound, no control, was palpably nervous, and there were MEMORY SLIPS, for God's sake.

From the beginning, conductor Noah DeSkor kept the orchestra crisp and flowing, allowing the genius of the 19-year-old Mozart to run freely around the stage. A welcome stab for the poetic here, but that's a reach. Meanwhile, Chinrest created a lovely stream of transparency with his bow. Seriously? Were we at the same concert? The slower second movement allowed Chinrest to show that he could be deep and emotional as well. Are we getting to the MEMORY SLIPS yet? Then, when the graceful minuet was dislodged by the gypsy-like “Turkish” section, Chinrest once again shifted moods with confidence. The single most terrified soloist I've ever seen. The final upward softening notes came all too soon. Couldn't have come sooner! The second half of the concert was filled with the Symphony No. 3 in D Minor by Anton Bruckner. The first movement began slowly, and it took a few moments for all the string players to feel DeSkor's sense of rhythm. He would build toward a quicker tempo, which was exciting, then back off with a sagging effect. Personally I found the performance passionate and gripping, but then I'm only an accomplished professional who's dedicated his life to this music. Uh, perhaps the sagging effect came from one too many schnapps at intermission. The rich slow movement allowed the cellos to sing out of the engaging, pulsing rhythms created by the rest of the orchestra. Hey, save some adjectives for somebody else, buddy. Then the third movement happily exploded all over the auditorium. Clean up crew, row G! But the fourth movement never got in motion. The schnapps talking again. Wake up man. Throughout this somber work, a smile did appear, as we could see Chinrest playing in the center of the violin section. Let's try a smidgen of grammar: the piece was somber, and the smile appeared where? In the piece?

This is difficult music to communicate….evidently not as difficult as this review!... and even the audience seemed to sense the mixed messages coming from the stage.

The moral of the story: too much schnapps makes bad soloist good, good conductor bad. Aha - it's less SCHNAPPS that would most definitely be better!

Markand Thakar is Charles A. & Carolyn M. Russell Music Director, Duluth Superior Symphony Orchestra; music director, Baltimore Chamber Orchestra; principal conductor, Duluth Festival Opera and co-director of the graduate conducting program, Peabody Conservatory.