Duluth Superior Magazine / August 2011 / Social Anxiety: No Need to Fear

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Social Anxiety: No Need to Fear

Kelly quickly counted the number of kids ahead of her and then began to scan the pages for the paragraph she was going to have to read. The small fifth grade class was taking turns reading from the book and Kelly wanted to look ahead so that she wouldn’t mess up any words when it was her turn. Her hands were clammy and she could feel her muscles tensing. Every day of school she dealt with a weight on her chest—an anxiety that unsettled her stomach and made it impossible to keep breakfast down—and the pressure seemed to be increasing as she found her paragraph and began to practice the words in her head.

“I remember thinking: if I could scream I would feel like a million bucks,” says Kelly as she thinks back on her elementary school days.
Kelly was a C student at best and she dreaded school so much that she felt sick every morning. She wished she could be a fly on the wall instead of the student in the desk. The first two hours of school were always the worst, but after the initial hours, Kelly recalls that she would adjust and become a little more comfortable. However, her anxiety came back every day. She felt like the teachers picked on her rather than helped her as she struggled to learn and be involved in the classroom. In order to cope, Kelly did what was natural: she kept to herself.

“I didn’t want to participate in anything because I didn’t want to speak,” says Kelly. “I didn’t feel confident in my presentation—in myself.”

But Kelly’s struggles in school were more than a normal lack of confidence. From a young age, Kelly has suffered from social anxiety. There are many facets to this disorder, but Dr. David B. Plude, a psychologist at the Arrowhead Psychological Clinic, has a fairly straightforward definition.

“Ultimately, social anxiety is a persistent fear about being embarrassed, criticized or scrutinized by others,” says Plude.

The signs of social anxiety are familiar to anyone who’s been on a first date. Sweating, blushing, and an increased heart rate are normal responses to a high-pressure situation. But when these symptoms cause serious disruptions socially, occupationally, and physically, a diagnosis of social anxiety may not be far behind.

It’s not exactly clear what causes social anxiety. Plude believes that it is a combination of nature and nurture. Since social anxiety can emerge at young ages, parents play a huge role. It’s also more common in people with rigid personalities.

“I see it most closely with someone who is a perfectionist—who is really hard on themselves and who believes that others are equally hard on them,” says Plude. “They judge themselves without mercy and think others are judging themselves just as intensely.”

Family and friends can help a person suffering from social anxiety by being careful not to misunderstand the symptoms. Someone who withdraws from conversation or never adds anything to an intellectual discussion isn’t necessarily snobby or unintelligent—he may just be struggling with fear of what others will think if he opens his mouth.

Fortunately, social anxiety is treatable. With help from friends, family, or a professional, it is also manageable. Since her struggles with social anxiety in elementary and high school, Kelly went on to get a college degree online. Today, Kelly uses relaxing techniques such as deep breathing to manage her anxiety and she doesn’t let it keep her from living her life.

“I set goals for myself, move forward, and try to achieve them."